May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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