I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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