My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
