just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
