My nipple is on Facebook.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you win again, gameday.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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