i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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