what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
