God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
