overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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