if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
