so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
