High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
