Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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