You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
