you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
