i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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