I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
