Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
