she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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