pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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