If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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