Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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