if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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