apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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