she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
