nut hugger
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
