In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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