I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
