You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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