So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
