ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
