I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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