I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
