3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You ate ashes out of my bong
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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