Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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