My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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