i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
