One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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