He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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