I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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