Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
