You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cockslap morals
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
