she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
