one two three fourrrrnication!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
