wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
