Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
