Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
