then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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