WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
