I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
