i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pooping to opera.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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