it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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