i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
