how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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