i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
